Fragility, Life & Thanks

Life never ceases to amaze me. We are all such an intricate part of a very complex living organism that is our planet. Everything we do affects something and vice versa. We are such complex beings and just starting to scrape understanding and existence and yet it is all so fragile it could be gone for someone, while they sit contemplating it all, or worse not thinking at all…


This summer was a real one for me. Many things have happened to me in my life but it was this year the understanding of how fragile it all is really set in. Putting my suffering cat down; watching a motorcyclist get smacked by a car that ran a red light; passing out after a migraine attack and waking up in a pool of blood; accidentally squaring a family of racoons driving down the highway, their little scared faces the last thing I saw; hearing that a new friend I’d just made had gotten killed by a drunk driver; hearing more than one friend talk about suicide; losing friends over nothing and watching everyone around me just simply go to atrophy like my gentle 93 year old grandfather who’s seen more than I could ever blog.

It hurts me when I see people fighting, cause we are all so precious and connected and it could be gone at any moment. And further down the road – how are we to survive as a race if we can’t get along? We are universally connected and most can’t see that. I can’t NOT see it. I can’t go through life without these bonds. I can’t even walk by a homeless person without giving them a smile, if not buying them a coffee … and it kills me to see such poverty or violence in other societies. Being Canadian I’ve never gone truly hungry or been tortured for selfish reasons. It’s not like I’m unaware that I’m powerless to help, rather I’m aware that if I empower those around me, and they pay it forward to those around them, then collectively maybe we as a race can transcend this bullshit and survive the next ice age, unlike our predecessors.

Life could end at any moment and I’ve never understood when people waste their lives away, when people sleep all day or do the same repetitive things. I heard only 5% of Americans have passports. Yet Canadians probably don’t have much more, so many people don’t get out and see the world! And how many of those who don’t have one, actually go out and see the town or city they live in. How many go see live shows or plays, or go on a road trip in their own area! I bet they all know the television schedule tho…

Speaking of TV, I was watching a star trek episode long time ago when I was a teenager that featured a being who described us as ‘Ugly bags of mostly water.’ Whoever came up with that exact line is a genius (cause lord only knows if Roddenberry actually did!). I have always thought of us as that way, only I don’t think we’re ugly. But I’m always pondering how we all manage to hold it together – literally! And when something dies, its like another dimensional bubble pops and it all melts back into the earth, or at least it’s supposed to. Life begets life and I have a hard time dealing with the sorrow of death. I have a hard time seeing it as an end.

When a lost cat of mine long time ago was found by neighbors kids already partially decomposed, it was a weird moment for me. These boys were only 10ish and death to them was interesting. We looked at the body together and saw what had happened to him. It was hard to stay real while watching maggots come out of his eyes, but it really helped me see it wasn’t my cat and hadn’t been for a while. The kids and I buried him together and since he was called Newton I planted a baby apple tree over him. Days later I was smoking a joint near the tree and I noticed a billion tiny baby flies resting on the ground and leaves of the tree where I buried my cat. There were holes in the ground where they had climbed their way up 4 feet to freedom. One by one I watched them fly off like glitter in the wind, where I knew birds and other animals would make lunch of most of them. I like birds. They’re one of the things that keeps me sane in the city. Their songs are always happy no matter what drama us humans are going through. I remember especially wishing the chickadees would get the flies, the are my favorites, their little colonies in the trees are never sad.

It was at that moment I saw just how much we all need each other, all creatures; even the animals (and humans) we hate; the insects; the plants; the fungi. It scares me that we humans go about obliviously destroying it and everything that holds us together. We go about being hateful or selfish and it could be gone at any moment. We destroy our environment and communities because we seem to think we’re some kind of individual. Some people even bank on that. Its wrong and cancerous. And since I can’t stop seeing us each as parts of a whole, I can’t stop thinking these ‘individuals’ are just sick and either need healing or therapy or something! I don’t feel hate when someone’s being a selfish asshole, just pity, and that’s almost worse than hate. So in the end I can only douse it with love … yeah I know it sounds cliche.

Thanksgiving is about being thankful for what little we have, not thinking about what we don’t have, and vocalizing our thanks to the universe. Whatever you have in life, take the time out this weekend and pay homage to that. The rest will come later…

“We did not inherit the earth, we are borrowing it from our descendants.” – Chief Tecumseh


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